Thinking of You

Victor of the 44th Annual Hunger Games,

Fuze Lypton!

Victor-  Fuze Lypton

Kills: 1

“It's everyone else who has lost their minds. Not me. Certainly not me.”

Dear Daughter,

I am so proud of you and I love you.

I know that you will hear me tell you this each and every day, but no truer words could ever be spoken. I want to remind you of this each day, so that never will you be able to forget how much your mother and I care about you. I will not let myself make the mistakes of my parents, no matter how busy I might be I will always have time for you. I will not let you have the opportunity to think for even one second that you are not wanted or loved.

I will love you always, and I will do everything I can to protect you. You will never have to face the horrors I have if I can help it. Nothing will harm a hair on your head, so long as you have me.

Love Always, Fuze.

Fuze’s daughter, Alia, was born during the year of the 61^st Hunger Games when Fuze was 33 years old and his wife, Jasine, was 31. Alia was Reaped into the 74^th Hunger Games at the age of thirteen. When her name was called, her father leaped off the stage and tried to run away with her. He was caught and killed, the Peacekeepers claiming they had no choice. Alia wore her father’s token for her Games, but unfortunately died only minutes into the Bloodbath.

 

2^nd- Noeah Hazurn

Kills: 3

“I just don't want to be a screw up anymore.”

Dearest Noeah,

I just cannot understand you. No matter how hard I might try to even though I am certain you never saw my efforts.

You were so isolated back here in District Nine, so quiet and reserved. Not at all like the child that should be born to two charismatic businesspeople. But then I saw you change. Like a butterfly finally freeing itself from the cocoon. I saw you love, I saw you fight for the things that mattered, I saw your determination to continue on no matter what was thrown at you. I saw the son that I could be proud of.

I learned more about you in that week of watching your fight for life than I did in seventeen years of your life. I finally saw my son, the flesh and blood offspring of your beautiful mother and myself. That very day I lost him as well, life works in strange ways like that. They show me something I should have seen in you all along; just long enough for me to miss what you should have become.

Love, Dad

 

3^rd- Faye Darson

Kills: 5

“Why is it this difficult to face all the images around me, when it was me that wanted this in the first place?”

My Faye,

What happened to you? I saw that moment of fear in your eyes as the pictures screamed around you. You were trained better than that. A little distraction like that should never have even caused you a hitch in your step. How could it have broken my daughter who had ever soul in Panem betting on her?

Your father was furious when he saw that boy kill you. He screamed and yelled that if that arrow boy won and came back here for the Victor Tour that he would kill him himself. I don’t think he meant that but I almost wished he did. It’s a shame your father has always been more talk than walk. You have always had both, Faye. I don’t think I will ever understand what was going through your mind when you hesitated.

What is it like to know that one second of fear cost you everything? To us it feels like losing both a daughter and a destiny.

Love, Mom

 

4^th- Caddis Tamar

Kills: 1

“I'd like to think that no matter how badly I mess up things I would only be doing what was destined for me to accomplish and somehow I find comfort in that notion.”

To Caddis,

I didn’t mean this, even though I did.

Funny how I can mean both of these? I meant for your name to be pulled, I have to admit it to you even if I know it will do nothing but ease my guilt slightly. I did not mean for you to die. You had so much potential, Caddis! How was I supposed to know that despite all your training, your excellence, and your strength you would not win. It seemed like the only obstacle to making you a Victor was willingness, and I was right.

You were unwilling to volunteer, and so we did that for you. I thought I had that part conquered, that everything else from here would be smooth sailing. But it wasn’t. I’m sorry I did this to you, but I am not at the same time.

I am sorry to see your coffin, but at the same time after this year it would have been too late for you anyways. Either way your purpose would have expired for us.

Head Trainer Hult

 

5^th- Maxon Slate

Kills: 3

“I'm not just a Career, I'm much, much more.”

Dear Maxon,

You told me you were going into the Hunger Games and I was so happy for you. I didn’t know that you wouldn’t come back. I didn’t know that you would leave me forever and not just for a few weeks like you promised. I cried for weeks after you left, you made me soft, sister.

I promised myself that I would not let that happen again. From the age of twelve when you left me I trained harder than ever before. I learned every weapon that you mastered and more that you didn’t. I now know everything that can be taught here. I am ready, the trainers have told me already that this is my year.

After so many years of waiting, I get to have my turn. I will do what you never could, I will replenish our family name. Not even Uncle Walt can stop me this time.

Poplar (Sister, age 18)

 

6^th- Amaran Luminera

Kills: 0

“I do not need anyone, or so I thought. Funny how quickly things can change when you're facing the distinct possibility that you will not live to see another rueful morning.“

 

Dear Amaran,

Isn’t love beautiful but ugly? Kind yet evil? Luscious yet bleak?

That is how I felt with him, the good and the bad balanced out in my eyes, though. I had a place to raise you and a man to protect me. In return I bore the brunt of every frustration. I was okay with that, though. I knew he loved me and so I suffered for that.

Just as you suffered for your love. You and Noeah were star-crossed lovers at their finest, two souls lost in each other with the knowledge that they could never really be together. I saw the way you looked at him, a light in your eyes I have never seen before. You don’t know how happy it makes me to know that your life ended at a good point in your life I wish you would have come home to me, but there is not much to come home to anymore.

Love, Mom

 

7^th-  Toriton Aszero

Kills: 1

“Finally when my life seems to match the intense emotions, they stop coming. Funny how when everything is spiralling out of control, I can feel so calm and, well, normal.”

Dearest Toriton,

Would it be horrible of me to say that I am relieved?

Neither your father nor myself truly knew how to deal with your special needs. We are just average parents, but we tried our best. I could see that it wasn’t enough, why instead of getting better your moods only got worse! I didn’t know what to do with myself on those nights that your father would leave for work. I was terrified that you might become angry and try to kill me. And I knew with your strength that you could have.

You were always loved, Toriton, and you still are. You just have to understand that we couldn’t do it. If a parent cannot understand their own child they are failures. Now, despite terrible events, we are free of our burdens. Consequently, that means we must also bury you.

Love, Mommy

 

8^th- Enya Hale

Kills: 0

“I'm not defeated yet. I'm still fighting, I will always keep fighting no matter what my body feels. I'm only going to stay down only when I am physically incapable of getting back up again.”

To Enya,

I miss your stories, Enya. Erin does too, she asks me to tell her some that you never finished but I just can’t bring myself to do that no matter how many times she asks. I think you would have liked it better this way, kind of a representation of your own life. The heroine’s story that got cut short before she could ever really complete her mission.

I wonder if there’s other girls where you are like Erin and I? Other kids that you tell stories to. Part of me hopes not, because I always liked the stories just for us. It made me feel special that we were the only ones to hear them.

I’m trying to think of new stories to tell Erin, but none of them are ever nearly as good as yours. I know it’s impossible to ask that you come back to share your dreams, but that’s what stories are for. An escape from the reality of real life. I can’t face that quite yet, so I think I’ll just stay lost in fantasy for now.

Your Friend, Rhona (Friend, age 13)

 

9^th- Alpine Deerden

Kills: 1

“I never thought it possible that I could miss someone. It was a feeling never sought after by me and it felt foreign to my withering mind. But it was true, I missed someone. I missed the only two people that had ever been real friends to me.”

Dear Alpine,

Watching you go through what you did made my heart break into a million pieces. My own son, the fruit of my womb and the apple of my eye, somewhere far away that I cannot touch him or hold him in my arms. Then, when you began to fight with that other boy I couldn’t bear it. I cried for hours in front of that television screen as life just went on but you no longer could breathe.

I was a horrible mother to you. I failed you. I sometimes think that it is my own fault that you were Reaped in the first place. If I had done my duty to you then no tesserae would have been taken in your name. If I had kept you instead of handing you off to your sister when life got too difficult, everything could have been different.

I’ll never know if it was me circumstance that killed you, or if it was my own selfish actions.

I’m sorry.

Love, Mom

 

10^th- Cain Frost

Kills: 1

“His smile is serene and I feel myself becoming calmer and calmer just by his very presence.”

My love,

No matter that I prepared myself for this day to come, it makes it no easier to accept the body that lowers into the ground. I knew from the moment I met you that there was something more to you than what your parents spoke of you, that was always what intrigued me most about you actually.

I also had this eerie feeling about you, but I never knew what it was until you were gone. I love you, Cain, but why did you have to make it so difficult to keep you?

Your mother and father are still well, Renee and Raine were hit hard by their loss and I’m worried about them. They are only still young you remember. This is the first time they have really experience life’s loss. There will be more, but I promise to help them through this one at least.

It is the least I can do for the family of the man I will never be able to love again.

Love, Marina

 

11^th- Callena Martis

Kills: 0

“They think they can control me, but they don't even know what I'm capable of.”

Dear Callena,

I understand that this, all of this, was to prove something to everyone else. But why did it have to go this far? I stayed out of your life for as long as I could because that is what your Father said I should do. I didn’t want you to resent me for ruining your life or limiting you. So I let you do what you wished.

I have no regrets about that but one, I wish I would have seen the signs that you were going to do this. That you would volunteer against your Father’s wishes for you to settle down and get a real hold on your life. It was good advice, Callena, why could you not have listened to us just this one time.

This should not have ended like this, you had so much promise, my dear. But as they say, potential is nothing without proper direction. I guess this holds true in this case.

Love, Mom

 

12^th- Wyre Felix

Kills: 0

“A chill runs down my spine and I shiver as my perfect memory comes up with the image of a little girl pinned up high on a wall by a metal stick. I close my eyes tightly and my fingers tap harshly against the sides of my head. I hate that picture more than the other ones, it's so easy to replace the face of the girl with that of my family, Fuze, or even myself.”

Dear Sister,

It is not good for me to cry like this, it is not good for the baby, but I cannot help myself. How could I even fathom the fact that my little sister is gone from this world? Not just moved away in my parent’s house away from my eyes but actually dead and in the ground in a coffin far too large for her frail body?

It was always my dream to have a big family, like the ones you see on television in the school with the aunts, uncles, and cousins all coming together for one big meal on holidays. I always wanted that for us, I was so excited when I found out I was with child.

But that doesn’t matter anymore without you. The baby inside me feels as dead as my heavy heart. I don’t think I will even be able to look at it once it is born. Right now it only feels like a weight in my stomach that only creates more pain for me.

Please, help me to love my baby.

Love, Maybel (Sister, age 24)

 

13^th- Dove Uppercut

Kills: 0

“Then the scene fades and for the first time I am left with nothing but darkness. I feel like the boy in my dream, asleep to the world.”

My boy,

I always thought that you were going to be something else, but not even my wise mind could have predicted this one. Your parents were horrified, but I didn’t feel anything but discontent. I have no power over what will happen to you when I leave this world, and I knew the same of you when you were taken from me.

Haven’t I always told you that there was no use in worrying about that which you cannot change?

I still watched you every day and night, make no mistake. I had gathered myself in preparation to witness your death, but I still wanted with everything inside of me for you to live. No matter how far to terms you can come with fate, you can’t change your own agenda.

I taught you that too, didn’t I? Well you taught me that no matter what I prepare myself for, nothing can remove the grief of a family member.

Love Always, Grandma

 

14^th- Kiera Maaz

Kills: 3

“I'll kill them if I can because that's what I need to do. I won't do it because I'm a bad person, I won't do it because I enjoy it or because it gives me some kind of sick pleasure. I'll kill them because at this point there's nothing else I can do.”

Dear Kiera,

I don’t think anyone really knew you, Kiera. I wanted you to let me in, to show me who you were, but I was too shy to ask and you never offered. I wish I had pressed, then maybe I could feel something other than a big gaping hole where my heart should be. The piece of me that you took into the arena.

I tried to find your family, but no one I asked claimed to know which household you came from. I came to my own conclusion that you never really had a home or a family. Is that why you were always in the lumber yards watching me and the boys work? It must be, I guess you had nowhere else to go.

I know it is too late for me to say this, but I really wish that you would have said something. Then I could grieve you, but now all I can do is wonder if the girl I knew ever really existed when no one can claim to know her.

Your Friend, Arar (Friend, age 20)

 

15^th- Miram Rivett

Kills: 0

“I`m competing for the spotlight again, not with my sister but with the remaining tributes. Not for the affections of my parents but for the mercy of the Capitol.”

Dear Miram,

I know that you do not love me anymore than we could ever manage to get along, but I have grown over the years without you. Mom and Dad have had another baby, a boy this time with the name of Simian. He is exactly like us, like all of the Rivett children apart from Chris have always been. I hate him, Miram. For the same reason that you likely hated me.

You did not feel loved after I was born, I understand that now. You competed with me because you needed to know that you were better at something than me. You needed some kind of redemption for being a forgotten child. Some kind of sign that the life you lived was not worthless. I wish I could have known that growing up. It’s been six years since you were Reaped, four years since Simian was born.

If only you could have been around for that long. I like to think that we could have been friends, maybe even start to act like the sisters I think we were always supposed to be.

I miss you, even though you never would have thought I would. To be honest, I never would have believed anyone that might have told me I would miss you, until now that is.

Love, Krissie (Sister- age 14)

 

16^th- Jax Cutrialy

Kills: 0

“His eyes don't leave mine and every trace of fear that I had seen before in his eyes has vanished. He's strong, I'll give him that, but not stronger than a hunting knife.”

Jax,

You have failed me son.

I put every ounce of my strength and willpower into your training and you have only disgraced me. Sixteenth place is not the spot for any son of mine. You have brought shame to myself, District One, and the training that was trusted to you. I could not accept your body because there is no way that this corpse could be my son. My son was much stronger than this.

I have no one to blame but myself, though, because deep down I know that the only reason you failed is because of me. I was the one who taught you, and it is my mistake that you died for. I will not make the same mistake with, Kenix; he will learn and he will not fail like you have.

Father

 

17^th- Sedo Monya

Kills: 0

“My own mind however, can't help but see her and everyone else in this room covered in blood. In their own, in that of other tributes.”

Dear Brother,

I miss you still, I don’t know when you will be home but I hope it is soon enough. I know that the Capitol took you from us, Daddy told me and Callia that on the night after the ‘Reaping’. He said you probably wouldn’t come home, but I don’t believe that. You have to come home, this is where your family is. We’ll miss you too much if you leave forever.

Callia and Daddy pointed you out on the television screen every time they showed all those kids in that house of pictures, but none of them was you. The boy they pointed to wasn’t you, he kind of looked like that and I guess that is what fooled them. Your eyes aren’t that red, your hands would never move that quickly to hurt another person. I can’t wait to see the looks on their faces when they see you come home. Please don’t be too long, I miss a little more everyday and I think Daddy does too.

Love, Violet (Sister, age 6)

 

18^th- Geare Petrol

Kills: 0

“I just want everything to slow down. I need time to think without interruption of these, these things. All I ask for is just fifteen minutes of peace, to understand which of the voices is truly mine.”

My Son, Geare,

I am so sorry that I have failed you, as only a mother truly could. I have watched you since you were born, but not from the usual place above your wooden cradle. In a place I cannot name I have stared down at my beautiful boy as he grew and matured. Every mistake you made I blamed myself for, every act of good was a miracle that your mind was able to conquer through my horrible actions.

If I had been thinking I would have never taken the drugs offered to me by the men I did business with. I knew I was pregnant when my belly started to show, but I couldn’t help myself. I live with this pain every day, the pain that not even death could take from me.

I don’t think I am in a better place, I feel as though I have only entered limbo. A space between consciousness and peace. It is my only living hope that you will not join me in my place of rest. You were always more pure than I.

Love, Mommy

 

19^th- Vulcan Crater

Kills: 1

“If this guy expects to be a decent leader, he should at least try and learn what his allies are good at.”

Vulcan,

I am so sorry that I could never protect my baby from him. You could have been so much more, but instead because of my inability to stand up for you, you are just one more volunteer who couldn’t make it out alive. I blame myself wholly for your death, but even I could not have predicted it being this soon.

Duke broke our television screen on the morning we sat down to watch your premiere in the Bloodbath. He was so furious, I was so frightened. But underneath I could feel the relief coursing through me, I would not have to see my baby turn into a monster. You killed once, but it could have been so much worse.

If the ending of your life had to be this soon, I cannot express how thankful I am that you at least got to die being my baby.

Love, Lana (Mother, age 45)  

 

20^th- Lylac Medo

Kills: 0

“My hopes rise and fall along with the scores, I just want to see how I measure up.”

No letter could be saved from the friends/family members of this tribute. Everything written by her mother in the darkness of night were burned for fear that her husband might find them. No one will ever know their contents but her and her fallen daughter.

 

21^st- Olive Farah

 

Kills: 0

“It makes me wonder how the Games will play out, if already I feel this lost.”

To Olive,

Your parents never wrote to you, I’m not even sure they knew that you had died. I am sorry, truly sorry that I could not make them want you. You have to believe me when I say that I never wanted you to go like this; to be forgotten like this.

They let you go because you were different, scary even, but I never wanted to let go. Now they call me deluded because I talk to you still, just like old times when we slept side by side on those nights that the orphanage was too full to allow us our own space.

I have since left the old place. There were too many memories for me to take the job you offered, too many little children running around that reminded me of you and me in our younger years. It was never the same without you.

Your new partner in matters of the insane, Ava (Best Friend, age 19)  

 

22^nd- Mayli Dear

Kills: 0

“Everything I know has been turned upside down, but that's alright, everyone needs to be challenged once in their life.”

Mayli,

I know you have always rejected my kindness, but I wanted to let you know that you were never alone in your grief of Cast. I knew him too, and when he was Reaped, well, I wanted to care for you like he asked me to. I never expected for you to push me away like you did. Actually I was hoping it would bring us closer, like sisters.

Now you’re gone too. I failed you and I failed Cast and I am so sorry, Mayli. I wanted to protect you, but I didn’t do it. Despite everything I promised your brother before he died I still could not keep that one true. I still couldn’t save you.

I wish you were still here, I wish Cast was here too. But I know that the two of you are together and laughing just like you always did. I took in Kiko after you left, your parents no longer wanted him for the memories he gave them of you.

He’s getting older, Mayli. I think the cat is going to join you both soon. Don’t worry, though. I will care for him until that day comes, I will give him all the kindness you resisted and maybe that will make you see that I never meant you harm.

-Alexis (Cast’s girlfriend, age 28)

 

23^rd- Rivers Bishop

Kills: 0

“The tears begin to flow again and once again I don't stop them, let the cameras see it. Let them realize what they are doing to the tributes, what they are doing to me.”

Dearest Rivers,

I didn’t know that this could really happen. Mother always told us that our chances were slim to none, merchant kids just were not to be chosen. It would always be the Seam children. That was never fair, but at least we were always safe.

Until that day, anyways. The day the world stopped singing and all became nothing but endless darkness for us.

Edie still talks about you, but of course you probably know that. He’s going to be twelve next year, his first Reaping will be in the spring and I know he is terrified. I hope that wherever you are, you have someone to watch over us. Please don’t let me lose another brother, I can’t go through that again.

Please.

Love, Holly (sister; age 18)

 

24^th- Areyna Kyte

Kills: 0

“I know why I thought she looked different. I remember that Areyna's eyes are hazel, this girl's eyes, they're blue.”

Areyna,

It was never my heart that persuaded that spear to kill you before you had ever had a chance. Brought on by both circumstance and the acts of other tributes, I was faced with no other choice. You were far too young to be trusted with such a secret. There was nothing I could do to save you, my dear.

Still, though, the decision haunts me so. I can still see you writhing for freedom in my dreams each night. I can still see the little girl I saw on the medics table in the Training Center, the girl whose life drained before my eyes twice. I knew it was two different girls, but to me you will always be one.

No amount of apology can make up for it, but if it had been my heart’s choice you never would have been in these Games at all.

Gamemaker Delia, Head of Traps and Muttations.